This post will only be clearly understood by the participants in the Tournament in question. But you are welcome to read it and infer activities and conversation during the three and a bit days of camaraderie, fun, food and more! OK?
As “Die Oudste Lid” (DOL), I was wildly awoken from my reverie on a calm Thursday afternoon at Meyerskraal in Wellington. My thought on attending the ice breaker of the Rydaar Kup teams revolved around a few ice cold beers, greeting some serious young golfers and then settling in to stuffing my gob with boerewors rolls to wash down the beer.
“My broer”! – using the pronunciation and inflection of Mr.Bowers! Those young okes were “klapping” that ball with gay abandon way down the fairway, which in itself did look like the rough on a normal golf course. As a player of long standing at the club, I was known to have a long driver (no, pottybrain, not that one!). But this was a new experience, keeping in mind that my woods were really made of… well… wood. My mashie niblick in particular was a thing of beauty, crafted by a cabinet maker of note but who knew nothing about the beautiful game!
These new materials used in making golfing gear today really needs to be banned. We need to go back to the gooorrolldays! I may make this a crusade in my last year as a member of the club. ”Miskien donder huller vi’ my”! And then, testosterone, or too much of it, should also be …. “ooooh yitte, los maa'”!
This pleasant occasion was a prelude to the next three days of golf. There is a poem regarding “Death the leveller”. “Maar laat ek dit vir julle vertel”! Golf is the real leveller. I saw so much rising in glory and falling in pain:-) But, before I get ahead of myself, for those who have not read the two previous blogs in this regard, you may click here for the first, and here for the second.
The following extended blog will be related to the “F” word, namely:
d. Forward to Namaqualand!
So, here goes!! This is written in the first person, so I will be quite literal in this description. If I were I to do it in the third person, I would have a license to write more freely while telling more lies. I will leave the latter for another day.
“Teen Vrdyag middag was almal met mekaar bekend en het begin tjommies word”! Without mentioning names, the following people participated in the tournament of tournaments:
1. One chap who had the best Namaqualand accent coupled with a great sense of humor and accompanied by good meat (nie daai vleis nie, ou maat!).
2. Another, from Paarl (I think), who was full of energy, hit great tee shots and was quite outspoken about his youngish ability between the sheets (I almost pulled out the genital cuff for him). And he did not drive a Toyota.
3. A quietish, slightly built, well-spoken bearded, chap who smote the ball with great dexterity. His all-round game was great. But he has a handicap. And I did not ask what it was! But then I found out that all the players have handicaps:-)
4. Another was a real gentlemanly lover of fire and searing meat for supper. A Bells for that man!!
5. One other was a very serious and able player with an off-course sense of camaraderie and humor and also the introducer of “Ek’s by haa” (more on this later).
6. Yet another was a quiet, non-playing droster trying to look golfish, but failing entirely and mostly looking foolish. This was the only player to score a double birdie with one shot.
7. “Nog een ou wat a bal kon slaan het en wie by verrenby “Ek’s by haa’” die meeste geskreeuw het. This became the slogan of the whole tournament.
8. From the teaching profession was a 58-year old young man whose head carried much more than ours (see Oliver Goldsmith by clicking on the link).
9. There was also a dance teacher who tried to teach two participants how to do the Samba over the last 4 years, but to no avail.
10. There was also guy who drew up a time-table! Or did he supply the “rooster” on the Thursday evening ice breaker.
11. There was also a glorified first aid jockey who initially hated the Worcester course but eventually came to love it toward the end due to my good influence as DOL.
12. Then the Ceres local who did a lot of running around on behalf of the group since it was his home course. He kept us on course and well-accommodated.
13. Another was a totally mean clouter of the ball. It made me really stand clear at the tee, just in case he lost a grip on the club.
14. The last was an unknown quantity since I only met him on Sunday but did not see him play much. He was a stand-in for the genital cuff guy earlier.
But, put in another way, the group consisted of DOL plus a bunch of 12 golfers on each day. Plain and simple English: DOL was brilliant on the course while the rest were brilliant after the game around the braai fire.
As DOL, all I can say I “yoh”!!!!! I was privileged to watch the teeing off of all four groups on Day 1 at Ceres. “Die manne het balle geklap, jong”!!! The competitiveness had been building up between Team USA and Team Yorerip and the taking of group photos, quiet team discussion and whispered advice was indicative of this. Friends, yet foes. The first day was peppered with some brilliant shots, a lot of good shots and, as is to be expected, some bad luck and fluffed shots.
The important thing was that, by the end of the first nine holes, there was lots to be talked about over a cold beer and a quick snack. The group was gelling on a personal level. For myself, it gave me a snapshot of all players. I am quite sure I could have written a word picture of all the players at that stage.
However, the second nine firmed up my picture of each person. I had heard so many sayings and cursive words that I could have started a new “woordeskat”. What a wonderful experience.
As you can see from the previous section, what with friendships warming up, fun was the second part of the agenda. Yes, hitting a golf ball the fewest number of times per round is important. But relaxing is just as good and is an important part of the game.
And that’s where the slogan of the tournament came up. The slogan is: “Ek’s by haa’ “! You will only understand this if you see the video clip. For access to such clip, send me an e-mail on Kurt@gmail.com. From the time the group was told about it, this slogan was shouted at odd, but regular, intervals around the course and well into the day after the tournament. Lorenzo, in my mind, was the one who quoted this the most.
I actually felt sorry for the chap who, in the video clip, shouted out “Ek’s by haa’”! Since my daughter is into crime reporting, I asked her to track this poor guy down, which she duly did. “Maar toe sé hy vi’ my: Daai’s niks!”.
He explained it all on the basis of relativity, the kind that Einstein spoke about. He also threw in a term called “model dependent reality” “nôgal”! “Ek sal nou Brits moet praat om dit te verduidelik!”. He said his girl looked so much better than him because she was wearing an Errol Arendz outfit with a Louis Vuitton handbag and Jimmy Choo shoes. He also said that, even though he was wearing his best casual Nike outfit (tik toks), he did look a bit dowdy compared to her. “So, dis relatief dat die tief beter as ek voorgekom het, dan nie? Die ding wat vi’ my see’ gemaak het is dat my tjommie vi’my ‘n hond genoem het”.
Back to the game itself: Geraldo almost hit a whole hole in one, after playing a penalty shot, on the 7th in Robertson. ‘Strew!!! He was about 20cm from the whole. A far as I’m concerned it was a hole in one and he should have bought us all a round of Lucozade on the 19th. The green was surrounded by so much water that it looked blue, so maybe he played that shot due to his clenched buttocks at fear of playing into the water againJ But, fair play, it was a great shot.
“Ek is ‘n outokratiese demokraat” said Jacque numerous times. Stevely loves “sletsappies”, we found out. Some guy wanted “blue movies” at one stage. I think this refers to another type of “sletsappie”. “Brannas” was the drink of the tournament. Beer was the lubricant in-between all of these activities, including on the course.
“Beter as dit is verkeerd” was also heard quite often, something which reminds me of dance classes. Sit, sit, sit – this was when the players tried to bend the laws of gravity! One player purportedly said that he would never play the Wellington course again. By the end of the last day it would seem he was happy to play there again one day.
Being mostly older folk in the tournament, all the players had golf carts. From afar, after all had teed off, if you just stood at the first hole and watched them, they tended to look like sheep in a lightning rain storm. I saw this while in Vanrhynsdorp the previous weekend.
When there was a loud thunderclap, all the sheep would run after the “voor bok” in a random direction, and then cluster together. Another thunderclap, another direction and then huddling together again.
Those golf carts looked like that after all leaving the first tee. “Almal ry sô heen een weer om balle te soek, stokke to kies, een hier, een dar and dan, skielik, is hulle weer saam by op die volgende bof!”J
Our long-suffering host (Pepe) of La Dolce Vita Guest House was a gracious person always willing to accede to request from the group through Geraldo. Sleep was at a minimum for some members of the group, especially on the first night. The fires burnt long into the night.
The food was extremely tasty and brilliantly prepared and braaid. The tripe, in particular was good. The braai meat was tender and tasty. There were quite a few donors involved via the tournament organiser. It almost makes me look forward to the next time just for the cuisine.
FORWARD TO NAMAQUALAND
The tournament ended in a draw with appropriate medal and sponsored gifts being distributed and photographs taken on Sunday afternoon. Thank were made to all involved, both players and sponsors.
The planning baton was handed over to the Namaqualand Team for the next version of the event. Everybody awaits the first call for interest. I will be the first to answer in the affirmative.
I will organise my own “independent” golf shirt with the words “NEUTRAL” and “REPORTER” and “PRESS” and “PUB LUNCH” all over it. I will also supply business cards which will offer, for a small fee, Blue Movies as a side service, including non-dancing girls (remember the genital cuff) and non-alcoholic beer.
“Dankie manne en mannine”!!